Falling

Falling

As I was talking to my mother, she said “People talk a lot about their fear of falling, as if that was the main problem. It isn’t. The problem is when people fall down and not get up. That is the problem. The parents need to let their kids fall and support them on the way up. I have fallen many times. The main ones were when your father and brother died. But I got up. I had a life. I had children to take care. I had a motivation to continue and live. You see?”

I nodded, “Yes mom. Sometimes when I fall, I feel paralyzed as if my life came to a stop. The pain is agonizing. But then I remember Alex, I remember my community, I remember you, and I get up. I have a lot of reasons to keep up living.”

My mother continued, “We often can’t prevent the fall. It catches us by surprise. But we can always choose to get up.”

Our eyes locked in determination – always to get up.

 

PS: Published in the book “Talking to my Mother.”

Connected

About a mont ago I changed my habit, and stopped chatting with to my mom who lives in Israel. I didn’t need that closeness any more, and she followed my lead. She didn’t call New York, and didn’t ask me what was going on

I felt a relief, as if I grew up a bit, and didn’t depend on her feedback for anything that happened to me. It felt less self-centered to let her be, and enjoy her routine.

But when Corona arrived I felt a conflict. On one hand I missed her voice, her wisdom; on the other hand I wanted to keep letting her be alone, hear music on TV, and practice chi kung for the elderly from a Youtube a friend had sent her.

It is great fun to remember what a great mother I have without talking to her, only smile and know we are connected forever.

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As I was writing this post, my mom called, and I read her what wrote.

“Yes,” she said “It’s exactly like that. I missed your voice so much. I had to call.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

Nature has mysterious ways to make us happy.

Healing

As I was talking to my mother, I said, “Mom, I’m going to see a friend I haven’t see for a long time. It wasn’t always easy between us. I’m concerned the meeting will not go well.”

She said, “You don’t know what she thinks, what she feels and expects of the meeting. All the information you have is about you; your feelings, thoughts, and aspirations. The most important is to remain calm, centered, confident in yourself. Be strong, sit erect, and be confident to have no anger in your heart. Be positive and grateful for all her support, and remember that I’m with you in your heart.”

I sighed in relief. The visit seemed doable now. My emotional state depended on my strength, my emotional stamina, my love towards my friend which I had tons of.

It will be healing and good.

Restraint

As I was talking to my mother, I said, “I lost my temper again, Mom. It is so difficult for me to remain calm when Alex says something that I don’t agree with. I don’t know why I can’t just disagree calmly. The event was so minuscule. I asked him to research multi-vitamins for me, and he came up with a brand that was too expensive for me. Big deal! He did the research, he gave me a service, and instead of saying ‘thank you’ I yelled at him. Why is it, Mom?”
She sighed and said, “It’s hard to change habits. You are used to yelling to demonstrate disagreement. You’ve been doing it for forty maybe even fifty years. Do you think that by realizing it is not a good way to bond with your partner you will change overnight? No. You made progress by realizing it was not a good tactic. It will make it easier when you realize that when Alex loses his cool, he’s acting on an old habit as well. Breath in, slow down and do your best not to respond. This is restraint.”

I can see a long curve to master that one.

Boxer

As I was talking to my mother, I said, “I never liked boxing. It seemed cruel to me and violent. But recently, I looked at it differently. I was watching all of us as if we were boxers. Because when the fighter goes into the ring, he knows he’s going to get hit, he expects to get hurt and even bleed. But he hopes at the end of the match to beat his opponent and get out of there with his arms up high – victorious.

We are the same. When we commence our life, it hurts, we cry, we feel neglected and unsatisfied. We get punches, but we always get up. When our ego gets the best part of us, and we forget to love our friends, we learn to respond to its hits and be quicker on our feet. And with the Creator’s help, we get out of the ring – victorious.”

My mother laughed, “That is quite an allegory, my daughter. It makes me feel as if I am your boxing trainer, waiting for you at the corner to give you water and massage your shoulders, wipe your forehead. I’m right there with you.”

We looked at each other with love and caring.

Tools

As I was talking to my mother, I said, “Mom, I’m worried I won’t get what I paid for. It’s been on the way for more than a month, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

She said, “It’s natural to worry about a deal that is still open, and it doesn’t depend on us for it to close. Let it be. You did everything in your power. You emailed the manufacturer requiring the status of that device. Now all you have to do is wait. Let the topic rest. It’s not in your hands anymore. Honor your anxiety, put it in your little pocket and focus on doing meditation. What is important is not what happens but the tools you have to deal with it until the end of the process. Whoever has tools, succeeds. This is how one becomes stronger. In the end, you will either get the product or the refund. You can be calm.”

I said, “I can see it now. The tools I have to calm down is to meditate, read Psalms, do the Meridians, and prioritize. That device is not urgent for me. I lived well without it. Cultivating patience is a lifelong practice. I feel much better now, Mom. Thank you.”

She smiled, and it went to the center of my heart.